Journey ..... to remember !!!

Flipping same pictures on social network site every morning, reading bestsellers, waiting impatiently online at weekends, feeling so much inspired to express, is amazingly beautiful. Life was not the same as it is, I was regular chump.

November 11, 2010, is a day I will never forget .It was usual morning when I woke, but it would significantly become the most memorable day of my life.

I was returning from week- long trip to Delhi where I met very interesting girl on board. It was a very powerful moment which has remained engraved in my memory ever since. On the way back I took train, I have been a train romantic all my life preferring even when I had the option to fly, the unrushed nature of its travel, the horizontal vistas the window of coach provides that gather as much significance as the destination itself and, not least, the relative unpretentious of fellow travelers. In the middle of hustle bustle and scuffle which is very common sight in Indian trains, one face kept on pulling my attention not because she is playing my favorite number ‘love the way u lie’ or she in diva shoes  . I watched, followed her hand with my eyes as she swept the lock of burgundy hair out of her eyes. A slight smile leaked from my pursed lips. My smile faded as I blinked, wiping the glaze from my eyes and looking back at her patient figure something was vivid about her; finally I forced my attention to look outside.

(There are not a hundred different positive forces in life, there is only one) next moment the girl was sitting next to me, in those few milliseconds I turned over thoughts whether to meet her eyes, not meet her eyes, smile not smile. Her smile was gorgeous and her eyes crinkled cutely in the corner when she laughed, her face lightning up in ways. The time we spent together was magical. I'm planning another trip soon to meet her.

Say her name and the image that comes to mind is that of a chocolate-complexioned woman with very fine chiseled features, dark piercing eyes, zero artificiality, intelligent, head strong suave who can easily break you into cold sweat.

I agree wholeheartedly with people who have written here about Indian women, the simplicity, chastity, the warmth, etc.

A guy would be hard-pressed to find a woman in her mid 20’s who could hold a literate conversation about spirituality, cooking (not to miss she wears multi-cuisine culinary hat) or what is going on around the globe, unless the woman was a student or more informed than most.

I’ve been talking to her for over 3 months now, we don’t talk often but whenever we do, I can feel something beautiful inside me, every time I get to know something new about this girl, she is so unpredictable at times she is just like a kid with a dream to hold world in her fist ,with a blink she is way too mature, no nonsense, lovable part is she makes everything so comfortable to talk about everything under sun.She is really amazing full of positive vibes, not at all centric, isn’t one to get perplexed by negative reports and believes in letting her work do the talking. She is remarkable, incredibly beautiful, so energetic; she has really inspired me in true sense to find new person in me, to adopt things which I’ve never ever dreamt of doing in my life writing n reading bestseller’s is among them.

I don't know if she's lucky charm but somehow things turn favorable if I start my day flipping thru her pictures.

Thanks for dispelling the myths about trains are only the means to reach destination.

Condemned

There’s so much that we share

That it’s time we’re aware

It’s a small world after all.

Last 2 months were totally action packed, whatever happened was no less than a force , won’t be wrong to say roller coaster ride, left me with strange feelings, a state of coma where  I can see everything but handicap to react.

I read it somewhere “every action of giving creates an opposite action of receiving” I didn’t know until now receiving comes at snail pace.

I have no clue how I should react to such degree, should I burst out my anger? Yell? Bang my head against wall or dance with joy, so freaking lost.

                   

In these last 2 months every ‘No’ spelled out has cost me one healthy beautiful relation I adored be it with aspiring professional, paramedical practitioner or software engineer and now am so afraid to lose childhood friend.

They say “life comes with great surprises”, surprises are good , what if they leave u miserable, helpless, make you feel like standing at cliff edge and the only option you left with no stepping back .

It all began out of nowhere like a Big –Bang Theory….. Certainly not the evolution of New Beginning but something really 'unexpected', receiving proposal from 12 years older Italian lady practicing medicine overseas, then from a girl I was seeing during my post graduation days irrevocably in love with  me, by the time I could digest all these surprises bumped myself with one more proposal from a very special friend, since 10years. By now am totally bowled certainly not in a state to introspect why all this happening and for what reasons? To my surprise show is not over yet something least expected to happen in my life something which I have never thought about in my wildest dream ,proposal from school time friend, the only friend I still treasure and this time feelings are not the same as they were in previous incidents am scared to death can feel the fear running in my veins ,fear to lose a friend very precious friend indeed, my condition is same as of little helpless urchin holding so many emotions in eyes but not a ounce of strength to burst out , I can feel myself weak ,feeble  left stunned , millions of thoughts gushing through my mind.

I spent whole nite questioning myself why all this happening to me now? Why not then when I so much wanted it , why now ,so late. Why am not happy to see everything turning out the way I ones dreamt, why ain't I feel the urge to be with ‘em anymore?. Do I still want to be with em or do I still hold the feelings as I used to? Millions n millions of questions were burning inside me with no sight of relief, all I could figure out I don’t want to lose special friends

Feelings do get change if not cared, respected or loved ....guess mine are.

Somewhere deep down inside me I know I don’t feel the same anymore infact I never want to encounter all this after the time I’ve spent in solitude in hard times when I needed ‘em the most ,that phase  has changed a lot in me, one thing I couldn’t change is 'care',I still can’t stop caring for ‘em...'love'.. not any more.

Whatever may be the reason I don't want to hurt anyone feelings or lose beautiful friends, now the biggest concern of all is how should I deal with my childhood friend simply can’t afford to lose or hurt her , she’s always been the most special ,even when we were not in contact.

I wish my life had "UNDO" button.

Silhouette desire

Desire's, I suppressed it for years.

Suddenly the moments here

I miss pouring out my feeling where I can feel the severe pain with every reflex.

I miss me,

Where is my soul?

This is not me, the real me is emotional, interesting.

This new person is monotonous, insecure, boring.

I hate it. I'm bored

I'm so bored of my life. I feel like there is no depth top it whatsoever anymore.

Even writing is a struggle

Miss the intense passion.

My heart is aching.

The emotions keep spinning out.

I want to get unleash.

I want the bitter thrill of the falling in love for  first time
I miss fancying about someone I know.

Someone I adore.
has no name.

lives in me.

the one, walk me.

As fascinating as stars.

got a smile that could light up this whole town
I’ve seen her growing beautiful with time.

And like the sun, she brighten my day

She’s the kind of girl
that has the chemicals that makes me fall in love.

She is so close yet so …………far.

Hope to meet her soon before she walks way so far.

Before some unsaid words die.

Before voice go unheard.

Even, before heart sinks to dirt.

Am still so lost, freaked, puzzled holding some strange belief,

She is somewhere out there holding my luck.

I don’t know if she does exist. She rules my mind.

I wonder if I ever meet her,ask her

Will you …………

Will u be with me?
If I may not buy u Gucci to flaunt,

Ask you to hold me instead,till the dawn.

Luxury rides, long drives can be a great leisure

What if holding your hand, out for walk is more pleasure

I might not give you a mansion to own,

House we can call home.

Will you be with me?

If I tell you, have left all the comforts in some by lanes,

with sheer confidence running in veins

Will you be with me?

If Shimmer, glimmer will be far to see

Only treasure will be which one can’t see

Will u be with me? If bad memory is part of me

 Reasons to bring u smile will always be on me.

Nothing is perfect, neither me

U the one with, I feel complete

Unconditional love is all I have to give.

I don’t know what to do

Spending all my time, thinking about you
I’m falling in love with you.