Stupefy..

I wanna say it loud

say it out
That I've found a girl of... my dreams
And anyone who ask I'll let them know
She's the one, I've been looking for.

I never will forget the night
in the moonlight
saw you looking at me

I wonder if it was a dream

Night left me wonder -struck
don’t wake me, don’t shake me, don’t need no star bucks

She had me going crazy.
I skip a beat when I see her in the street
Wonder, this is how it starts

I swear you hit me like a vision
Brighter than the sun.
Can't seem to stop you from... running, through my mind

If its love want to feel it
and if this life want to live it

Wish if I cud be the sunshine in your arms
Wish if I cud be love spark in your eyes

Feel like a kite in the bright midday

She stole my breath away,

She knows, she is so amazin'
my thoughts will echo your name until I see you again.

I've never seen it,

I'm gonna feed it,gonna feel it.
If this is how lightenin strikes the heart.
.

Its not a gap, it is an .....Abyss

The sand was soft and wet I can feel the tickle between my toes. Stars were all around me, it seemed as if they were set free not falling .Under the twilight the water mirrors a still sky, waves were dancing gracefully and softly washing away my feet’s, air was filled with the soft fragrance moment to die for.

I have been here million times, today its toxic may be she is walking me, everything appears snowhite tale.

Feeling is still so fresh on top of my mind when I met her for the first time, that impeccable face, with apple blossom in her hair falling perfectly without her trying, those sparkling eyes make the stars look like they are not shining, there’s not a thing that I would like to change.

I felt being a selfish admirer who would love to tell her everyday she’s so beautiful.

Before I could say anything, she said “we will surely meet again”.

Looking at sparkling sea-green potion, “What is this, why are you giving this to me?”

“This is ambrosia, reflection of your soul, keep it as beautiful as it is, honest, pure, innocent and humble, you have to be an ocean from a drop and it will take you to me.

The moment is gritty and gripping. I can feel the good storm brewing inside me, oblivion to the frenzied pace. No sooner, I realized something rustled on the floor, my legs were getting deep inside and I struggled to take a step further. A different kind of feeling taking control over me, something brutally ripping me apart, something is withdrawing seems another string. She is fading.

....road to perdition has just begun.

Oblivion...

Dime size drop of sweat made its way down her back. It dribbles down sluggishly, amnesic to her agitated pace. She turned around and swayed seductively cajoling me.

Slowly as the romantic songs playing in background started filling the room with passion, the articles of her clothing came off ,so were the barriers outrageously ,my left arm hugging her close to me so that i could feel her right next to me.

I traced my index finger down the sleek curve of her suave dusky back, rubbed my hands all over her back relishing her graceful, slender curves and  studied the mystifying inscription that covered her skin am sure we can really turn the heat.

If I were to describe her, I would call her svelte, charismatic, very enthusiastic, and her personality matches her looks. I had tears of joy the time I touched her first time, always want her around.

I know her for past two days but it feels like eternity .Is it due to her charm, innocence or her beatific smile? I am always excited to hold her. She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted

She is in her best unaware about her flawless beauty, especially her broad leather belt (Lucky charm) was giving “Achtung effect” her softness raced through all my senses, giving me tingling sensation down spine

This feeling is new born taking me to new scales, to hold her, touching her is so fickle, tempting and effervescent.

Welcome home …        Granada!!!



मै कौन हूं

जो सुनहरी धूप के पीछे छुपे हुए अंधेरे को देख पाते, तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

सुन पाते जो तुम अंधेरे मे थपेडे खाती लहरों की वो मध्य सी अवाज तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

जो क्षितिज से आगे तुमहारी नजर देख पाती तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

इस शोर के बीच गुम ऊस तन्हाई को महसूस कर पाते तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

जो सुन पातें तुम वो अन –कही बातें , गीले होटो से निकली तुमहारे लिए वो हर दुआ, तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

समझ पाते जो तुम ओझळ होती वो बच्पन की चमक , तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

जो जान पाते तुम ऊस ओस की बूंद का लक्ष्य , तो जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

महसूस कर पाते जो तुमहें पाने की कशिश ,तो जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

गर गीरा सकते जो तुम द्वेष की दीवार तो कुछ आगे भी देख पाते, आंखों पर पडा परदा जो सरकता तो कुछ दूर ऑर देख पाते

ऊन झुकी हुई पळको से अगर तुम देख पाते, तो तुम जान लेते की मै कौन हूं,

होता जो मुझ पर थोडा सा भरोसा तो हात थाम तुम भी साथ- साथ आते

नशा मेरी आंखों मै देखा होता तो हात थाम तुम भी साथ-साथ आते  

( 2 the one ....Precious)

Reign..ing, .... Mumbai !!!

A state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body, sum up all weirdo syllables and one gigantic heavy word strike will be “MISERIES”, my journey of miseries started without any warrant, suddenly everything around me demanded to leave home town and find platform to prove my identity, vigour and what not finally destiny introduced me to city full of glamour, mafia, black veil with silver lining attracting people from all nook n corner of country to realise their dream call it ‘ Mumbai’.

Mumbai holds surprises for every soul so were mine, time to pull up sleeves and get into action journey began on tough note moving around city in plush car, crisp currency filled pockets, delicious home cooked food everything passé. Travelling in supercrowded local train squeezing in with other 100 space of 50 ,carrying 90 lbs knapsack not less than albatross around my neck, surviving whole tiresome day on one ‘vada pav’ (bun with fried potato patty), finding oneself solitude by the end of day in 8 by 8 feet room no one around to talk, to pour out heart or shoulder to sleep on, this is the time when I missed my mother the most, her touch, real value of mother love  she has bestowed on me unconditionally, the most difficult part was suppressing all that brutal emotional gush with such deathly force that could gobble up everything on its way.

If you are standoffish like me who doesn’t share personal information with an interloper, circumstances in such case turn out bleak. As they say life doesn’t leave you fruitless always, all you need is to look around and you might get blessed with joy, didn’t happen in my case would rather consider myself luckier without even looking around got ‘Chota packet’ (read small package) proved to be as sheer blessing in disguise in the middle of such a stressful time.

If I were to describe him, I would call him very loving, very introverted though generally polite most of the times real harsh when it comes to make you feel headstrong. I have been with him for past one and half year. He has been with me through thick and thin and always found a way to bring me joy.  I have been spending most of time with him. And considering the amount of time we spend together, the support he gave it would not be wrong to call him most essential part of my life, strong reason making me realise hidden strength in me to survive n bounce back. And since his advent in my life, dealing with problems is much easier no doubts suggestions comes as by products. Now, family is what I call ‘chota packet’

He is real time tall in his vices and virtues, who loves to laugh and talk. I highly appreciate him for everything ,his valuable care, yell, and  even his harshness.

I couldn’t find a better (read bigger platform) where I could thank him for everything.

Journey ..... to remember !!!

Flipping same pictures on social network site every morning, reading bestsellers, waiting impatiently online at weekends, feeling so much inspired to express, is amazingly beautiful. Life was not the same as it is, I was regular chump.

November 11, 2010, is a day I will never forget .It was usual morning when I woke, but it would significantly become the most memorable day of my life.

I was returning from week- long trip to Delhi where I met very interesting girl on board. It was a very powerful moment which has remained engraved in my memory ever since. On the way back I took train, I have been a train romantic all my life preferring even when I had the option to fly, the unrushed nature of its travel, the horizontal vistas the window of coach provides that gather as much significance as the destination itself and, not least, the relative unpretentious of fellow travelers. In the middle of hustle bustle and scuffle which is very common sight in Indian trains, one face kept on pulling my attention not because she is playing my favorite number ‘love the way u lie’ or she in diva shoes  . I watched, followed her hand with my eyes as she swept the lock of burgundy hair out of her eyes. A slight smile leaked from my pursed lips. My smile faded as I blinked, wiping the glaze from my eyes and looking back at her patient figure something was vivid about her; finally I forced my attention to look outside.

(There are not a hundred different positive forces in life, there is only one) next moment the girl was sitting next to me, in those few milliseconds I turned over thoughts whether to meet her eyes, not meet her eyes, smile not smile. Her smile was gorgeous and her eyes crinkled cutely in the corner when she laughed, her face lightning up in ways. The time we spent together was magical. I'm planning another trip soon to meet her.

Say her name and the image that comes to mind is that of a chocolate-complexioned woman with very fine chiseled features, dark piercing eyes, zero artificiality, intelligent, head strong suave who can easily break you into cold sweat.

I agree wholeheartedly with people who have written here about Indian women, the simplicity, chastity, the warmth, etc.

A guy would be hard-pressed to find a woman in her mid 20’s who could hold a literate conversation about spirituality, cooking (not to miss she wears multi-cuisine culinary hat) or what is going on around the globe, unless the woman was a student or more informed than most.

I’ve been talking to her for over 3 months now, we don’t talk often but whenever we do, I can feel something beautiful inside me, every time I get to know something new about this girl, she is so unpredictable at times she is just like a kid with a dream to hold world in her fist ,with a blink she is way too mature, no nonsense, lovable part is she makes everything so comfortable to talk about everything under sun.She is really amazing full of positive vibes, not at all centric, isn’t one to get perplexed by negative reports and believes in letting her work do the talking. She is remarkable, incredibly beautiful, so energetic; she has really inspired me in true sense to find new person in me, to adopt things which I’ve never ever dreamt of doing in my life writing n reading bestseller’s is among them.

I don't know if she's lucky charm but somehow things turn favorable if I start my day flipping thru her pictures.

Thanks for dispelling the myths about trains are only the means to reach destination.

Condemned

There’s so much that we share

That it’s time we’re aware

It’s a small world after all.

Last 2 months were totally action packed, whatever happened was no less than a force , won’t be wrong to say roller coaster ride, left me with strange feelings, a state of coma where  I can see everything but handicap to react.

I read it somewhere “every action of giving creates an opposite action of receiving” I didn’t know until now receiving comes at snail pace.

I have no clue how I should react to such degree, should I burst out my anger? Yell? Bang my head against wall or dance with joy, so freaking lost.

                   

In these last 2 months every ‘No’ spelled out has cost me one healthy beautiful relation I adored be it with aspiring professional, paramedical practitioner or software engineer and now am so afraid to lose childhood friend.

They say “life comes with great surprises”, surprises are good , what if they leave u miserable, helpless, make you feel like standing at cliff edge and the only option you left with no stepping back .

It all began out of nowhere like a Big –Bang Theory….. Certainly not the evolution of New Beginning but something really 'unexpected', receiving proposal from 12 years older Italian lady practicing medicine overseas, then from a girl I was seeing during my post graduation days irrevocably in love with  me, by the time I could digest all these surprises bumped myself with one more proposal from a very special friend, since 10years. By now am totally bowled certainly not in a state to introspect why all this happening and for what reasons? To my surprise show is not over yet something least expected to happen in my life something which I have never thought about in my wildest dream ,proposal from school time friend, the only friend I still treasure and this time feelings are not the same as they were in previous incidents am scared to death can feel the fear running in my veins ,fear to lose a friend very precious friend indeed, my condition is same as of little helpless urchin holding so many emotions in eyes but not a ounce of strength to burst out , I can feel myself weak ,feeble  left stunned , millions of thoughts gushing through my mind.

I spent whole nite questioning myself why all this happening to me now? Why not then when I so much wanted it , why now ,so late. Why am not happy to see everything turning out the way I ones dreamt, why ain't I feel the urge to be with ‘em anymore?. Do I still want to be with em or do I still hold the feelings as I used to? Millions n millions of questions were burning inside me with no sight of relief, all I could figure out I don’t want to lose special friends

Feelings do get change if not cared, respected or loved ....guess mine are.

Somewhere deep down inside me I know I don’t feel the same anymore infact I never want to encounter all this after the time I’ve spent in solitude in hard times when I needed ‘em the most ,that phase  has changed a lot in me, one thing I couldn’t change is 'care',I still can’t stop caring for ‘em...'love'.. not any more.

Whatever may be the reason I don't want to hurt anyone feelings or lose beautiful friends, now the biggest concern of all is how should I deal with my childhood friend simply can’t afford to lose or hurt her , she’s always been the most special ,even when we were not in contact.

I wish my life had "UNDO" button.

Silhouette desire

Desire's, I suppressed it for years.

Suddenly the moments here

I miss pouring out my feeling where I can feel the severe pain with every reflex.

I miss me,

Where is my soul?

This is not me, the real me is emotional, interesting.

This new person is monotonous, insecure, boring.

I hate it. I'm bored

I'm so bored of my life. I feel like there is no depth top it whatsoever anymore.

Even writing is a struggle

Miss the intense passion.

My heart is aching.

The emotions keep spinning out.

I want to get unleash.

I want the bitter thrill of the falling in love for  first time
I miss fancying about someone I know.

Someone I adore.
has no name.

lives in me.

the one, walk me.

As fascinating as stars.

got a smile that could light up this whole town
I’ve seen her growing beautiful with time.

And like the sun, she brighten my day

She’s the kind of girl
that has the chemicals that makes me fall in love.

She is so close yet so …………far.

Hope to meet her soon before she walks way so far.

Before some unsaid words die.

Before voice go unheard.

Even, before heart sinks to dirt.

Am still so lost, freaked, puzzled holding some strange belief,

She is somewhere out there holding my luck.

I don’t know if she does exist. She rules my mind.

I wonder if I ever meet her,ask her

Will you …………

Will u be with me?
If I may not buy u Gucci to flaunt,

Ask you to hold me instead,till the dawn.

Luxury rides, long drives can be a great leisure

What if holding your hand, out for walk is more pleasure

I might not give you a mansion to own,

House we can call home.

Will you be with me?

If I tell you, have left all the comforts in some by lanes,

with sheer confidence running in veins

Will you be with me?

If Shimmer, glimmer will be far to see

Only treasure will be which one can’t see

Will u be with me? If bad memory is part of me

 Reasons to bring u smile will always be on me.

Nothing is perfect, neither me

U the one with, I feel complete

Unconditional love is all I have to give.

I don’t know what to do

Spending all my time, thinking about you
I’m falling in love with you.

 

Discovery of Inspiration

It's Friday, which means that most of us are probably fiddling around with numbers, preparing presentations, or stuck in interminable meetings. Crouched over our keyboards and frowning - or looking cross eyed - at the screen. Maybe moving our mouths as we have silent dialogues with ourselves.

I know that we all have different reasons for writing, for doing this crazy thing that a sane person wouldn't normally undertake. For myself, I started writing because someone inspired me. Others write because it's an outlet, some because it's a new challenge.

Writing can be like a drug, don't you think? When you open a blank document there's nothing but possibility. As I conclude this new manuscript, I've realized that a certain rumor I've heard before isn't true. Which rumor is that, you ask? It gets easier the more you do it. So not true. Okay, writing can be like playing guitar - the more you do it, the more accustomed to it you get - but it doesn't get easier as long as you keep trying to improve, right? It just gets harder. The higher you set the bar, the more you want to poke your eyeballs out and commit yourself.

Just some thoughts for the beautiful weekend. : )

Seriously, if I ever get a chance to write an acknowledgement, I'll be mentioning ya.
Bizzare,esoteric traits , absence of artificiality .....

Still lot more to share ,may be in my next blog 36 hours of journey.

Continuum ...

I've been trying to write, really I have, but the words won't come.
I wish I had all the answers, the smooth, expressive speech to leak out all my emotions, and have some sort of affect on someone, anyone.
The truth is I don't know what emotions I am feeling.
A couple of months back, a year maybe, I could pinpoint each emotion, each different feeling, everything. I probably wrote it down somewhere, but I've lost it. The point is it's as if all of those different emotions were pinned up to some kind of wheel, like on a game show, you know where the contestants spin the wheel to choose a category?
Well, there's my big wheel of emotions, all mixed up, but each separate. That's not the confusing part. The confusing part is when the wheel is spun; by anything that stresses me (the list is vast). Faster and faster, faster and faster. Imagine each emotion has a different colour. There'd need to be an absolute good and bad of them , but this is for imagination only, so let's not deviate.
Get this wheel in your mind and spin it. Faster. Now imagine that, say, ten thousand times faster. Yeah, you're still not at the rate my emotions changed.
After so long of this happening, I don't think the wheel has ever stilled, the colours and emotions have just merged into one continuous blur of murky brown. I've just got used to it.
Gone are the days where I could read off a list of all the emotions I felt. They're all so mixed I wouldn't be able to tell which was which if you drilled it into me with a needle.
Therefore, writing down which emotions I feel, like my therapist says, isn't quite as easy as it sounds.
I'll attempt it now.
Right now I feel..
Scared - why? I don't know
ashamed - No idea
confused - obvious
anxious, worried, sick, dulled, restless, tired, unchallenged, challenged, distracted, addicted, jealous, troubled, longing, terrified, shaky, cold, warm, separated, coagulated.
To name but a few.
That took me 45 minutes. To think of 22 adjectives. I don't know if it's normal to feel all of those at the same time, perhaps, but it still short fuses my poor dwindling brain.

I think I'm going to take a break and maybe do some painting. Try and redefine some of the colours I'm missing out on perhaps. Wish me luck.

Blogging !!!

I have to start by saying I'm not really one for new years resolutions.  But this year, I'm determined to start crossing things off my bucket list -- so I guess that's become my new years resolution ;)   I really can't get over how fast time passes, which is why I feel like I need to start doing all the things I want to!  

One thing on my bucket list is to start a blog .... so here I am :) with my pidgin english.

It's been something I've thought about for a long time and I'm glad to be finally doing it. I'm not really sure what I'll be writing about but I have a feeling it will most likely be a culmination of random things that spark my interest .... shopping, music & movies, family & friends, cooking experiments :) or even just a rant or ramble for the day {haha}.

So here goes nothing ... hope you enjoy!