Discovery of Inspiration

It's Friday, which means that most of us are probably fiddling around with numbers, preparing presentations, or stuck in interminable meetings. Crouched over our keyboards and frowning - or looking cross eyed - at the screen. Maybe moving our mouths as we have silent dialogues with ourselves.

I know that we all have different reasons for writing, for doing this crazy thing that a sane person wouldn't normally undertake. For myself, I started writing because someone inspired me. Others write because it's an outlet, some because it's a new challenge.

Writing can be like a drug, don't you think? When you open a blank document there's nothing but possibility. As I conclude this new manuscript, I've realized that a certain rumor I've heard before isn't true. Which rumor is that, you ask? It gets easier the more you do it. So not true. Okay, writing can be like playing guitar - the more you do it, the more accustomed to it you get - but it doesn't get easier as long as you keep trying to improve, right? It just gets harder. The higher you set the bar, the more you want to poke your eyeballs out and commit yourself.

Just some thoughts for the beautiful weekend. : )

Seriously, if I ever get a chance to write an acknowledgement, I'll be mentioning ya.
Bizzare,esoteric traits , absence of artificiality .....

Still lot more to share ,may be in my next blog 36 hours of journey.

Continuum ...

I've been trying to write, really I have, but the words won't come.
I wish I had all the answers, the smooth, expressive speech to leak out all my emotions, and have some sort of affect on someone, anyone.
The truth is I don't know what emotions I am feeling.
A couple of months back, a year maybe, I could pinpoint each emotion, each different feeling, everything. I probably wrote it down somewhere, but I've lost it. The point is it's as if all of those different emotions were pinned up to some kind of wheel, like on a game show, you know where the contestants spin the wheel to choose a category?
Well, there's my big wheel of emotions, all mixed up, but each separate. That's not the confusing part. The confusing part is when the wheel is spun; by anything that stresses me (the list is vast). Faster and faster, faster and faster. Imagine each emotion has a different colour. There'd need to be an absolute good and bad of them , but this is for imagination only, so let's not deviate.
Get this wheel in your mind and spin it. Faster. Now imagine that, say, ten thousand times faster. Yeah, you're still not at the rate my emotions changed.
After so long of this happening, I don't think the wheel has ever stilled, the colours and emotions have just merged into one continuous blur of murky brown. I've just got used to it.
Gone are the days where I could read off a list of all the emotions I felt. They're all so mixed I wouldn't be able to tell which was which if you drilled it into me with a needle.
Therefore, writing down which emotions I feel, like my therapist says, isn't quite as easy as it sounds.
I'll attempt it now.
Right now I feel..
Scared - why? I don't know
ashamed - No idea
confused - obvious
anxious, worried, sick, dulled, restless, tired, unchallenged, challenged, distracted, addicted, jealous, troubled, longing, terrified, shaky, cold, warm, separated, coagulated.
To name but a few.
That took me 45 minutes. To think of 22 adjectives. I don't know if it's normal to feel all of those at the same time, perhaps, but it still short fuses my poor dwindling brain.

I think I'm going to take a break and maybe do some painting. Try and redefine some of the colours I'm missing out on perhaps. Wish me luck.

Blogging !!!

I have to start by saying I'm not really one for new years resolutions.  But this year, I'm determined to start crossing things off my bucket list -- so I guess that's become my new years resolution ;)   I really can't get over how fast time passes, which is why I feel like I need to start doing all the things I want to!  

One thing on my bucket list is to start a blog .... so here I am :) with my pidgin english.

It's been something I've thought about for a long time and I'm glad to be finally doing it. I'm not really sure what I'll be writing about but I have a feeling it will most likely be a culmination of random things that spark my interest .... shopping, music & movies, family & friends, cooking experiments :) or even just a rant or ramble for the day {haha}.

So here goes nothing ... hope you enjoy!